The good news is that you can make holiday events more relaxing and successful by following the tips below!

1: Set Realistic Expectations

You want your Christmas gathering to be the most perfect, magical celebration ever, with happy guests, a meal that everyone raves over, and brilliant memories to be shared for years to come. But that rarely happens, so set your expectations a little lower. Here’s how you can do that:

Plan a simple menu focusing on a few tried-and-true items, such as your famous homemade cookies or your signature roasted ham.

Purchase some ready-to-eat items like side dishes or desserts. No one needs to know that you didn’t get up at 5:00 am to bake everything from scratch; let the experts do that work while you get that extra rest you need.

Ask for help. Get a few trusted family members to bring dishes, help with setting up your space, or come up with activities for children.

2: Create a Comfortable Setting

If you’re hosting an event, prepare the setting to be relaxing. Soft lighting, soothing music, and comfortable spots for people to get away from others are all helpful in making your guests feel at home. Set up a spot for children to play if you’re expecting them, and designate a family member to help keep an eye on them.

Set a positive tone yourself by maintaining a calm, welcoming demeanour, even if you feel a little stressed out. Greet guests warmly, express gratitude for their presence, and steer conversations toward positive or neutral topics such as seasonal plans, movies, or neighbourhood happenings.

3: Establish Boundaries

You can’t choose your family, and there are always family members who have opinions they want to share. Normalize setting limits on acceptable topics of conversation. If someone brings up a subject you don’t want to be discussed, say so. Practicing ahead of time can be helpful. Try some of these to see what feels comfortable for you:

“This topic is so important, but maybe we can save it for another time. Let’s focus on enjoying each other’s company.”

“It seems like we have different views on this. Let’s agree to disagree and move on to something we can all enjoy discussing.”

“I think we could all use a break from this topic tonight. How about we talk about something lighter?”

“Christmas is about coming together and celebrating. Let’s keep things light and focus on what brings us joy.”

You can also change the topic to things like upcoming plans, fun things people have done lately, and so on. Have a list of topics prepared in advance so you can pivot to those.

Another strategy is to set up some separate discussion areas for people who really want to hash out a topic. Steer them to one of those to finish their conversation.

4: Be Mindful of Dietary Restrictions and Preferences

Ask your guests in advance if there’s anything they can’t or won’t eat. Make (or purchase) alternative versions of your menu for these guests. This may require some planning, but it doesn’t have to be a lot of extra work if you do your research in advance. Your guests will appreciate you thinking of them and their comfort.

5: Make Time for Self-Care

No matter how much you love your family, they can be a lot to handle for long periods of time. If you’re visiting relatives or hosting them, take some time to get away from them and be by yourself. Some things you might choose to do:

Go for a walk. If someone says they want to come with you, be honest about needing time alone; it will help them understand you and your needs better if you’re straightforward with them.

Schedule a salon appointment in advance. Get your hair or nails done, or go for a massage. That will get you out of the house and help you relax.

Go to bed early with a book or magazine. You don’t need an excuse—just say you’re tired and want to rest.

6: Designate a Safe Space

Set aside a room or another private place for guests who need a little space to breathe. Have some water and tissues handy, along with some comforting foods like chocolates or fruit. If a guest seems to be having trouble, quietly steer them there and tell them to stay as long as they need to. People who are struggling to cope with the people, the conversation, or the noise will appreciate this sanctuary.

7: Have an Exit Strategy

When things get overwhelming, plan to take a break by going outside for a few minutes or leaving for the evening. If you’re there with a partner, set up a way to signal to each other that it’s time to go. Don’t give in to guilt where this is concerned; you know when things are about to devolve for you, and it’s fine to listen to that!

8: Focus on Gratitude

Christmas is about celebrating togetherness, kindness, and the joy of giving, whether that’s through acts of generosity or simply spending time with loved ones. Set aside a few moments to talk about the things you and your guests are grateful for and what they’re looking forward to in the upcoming year. As an adjunct, you can also have them talk about what areas of their lives they can use help with; this will encourage honesty and may help build some new bonds.

Kari Walton Counselling wishes you and your loved ones the best of the upcoming festive season. If we can help you prepare, come and talk to us. It’s important to recognize that counselling is not only for severe psychological issues or intractable problems but for the maintenance of your everyday mental fitness. This type of care is a key component of self-care and overall well-being.

Every member of our team knows from experience how stressful it can be to deal with the holiday season. We want you to survive and thrive through it all. In our practice, we offer a wide range of treatment options, including person-centred counselling, psychodynamic therapy, humanistic counselling, integrative therapy,  Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, hypnotherapy, group therapy, neurofeedback, and couples and family therapy in an environment where you’ll feel supported and understood.

Contact us today to make an appointment. Let’s work together to make this holiday season as worry-free as possible.

The post De-stressing Christmas: 8 Ways to Manage Family Dynamics During the Holidays appeared first on Kari Walton Counselling Services.

What is Intentional Living?

Intentional living involves paying close attention to the choices you make and the things you do, with the goal of bringing them into better alignment with your values and the other things that are important to you. Essentially, it means turning off the autopilot that controls your life and making more deliberate decisions.

What Are the Benefits of Intentional Living?

Intentional living can have significant benefits, including:

Reduced Stress and Anxiety

If you approach intentional living sincerely, you will start to focus on the things that really make a difference to you: the things that fulfill you and make your life worth living, rather than your worries and regrets.

Less Comparison and Reduced Striving to Achieve

Intentional living encourages you to focus on what you already have and what is in front of you. You will spend less time thinking about what you don’t have and how you can get it and more time enjoying the pleasures that surround you. You’ll also have a better sense of what you need more of in your life and how you can make it a bigger part of your daily existence.

Greater Acceptance of Yourself and Your Life

Acceptance in this context doesn’t mean settling; it means understanding that what’s right for others may not be right for you. You have a set of values that you want to live by, priorities that may be different from other people’s priorities, and an identity that is unique to you. Accepting yourself and your life means discovering what these values, priorities, and unique characteristics are so that you can be your best and most authentic self every day.

A Calmer Mind

If you feel like your head is cluttered with unnecessary thoughts, worries about things that may never happen, and details that you will never need, intentional living could clear all that out. This can leave you with a more peaceful headspace while also freeing up room for more creativity, productivity, and calming thoughts.

Reduced Reactivity

Living intentionally gives you perspective on your emotions so that you don’t respond as automatically to events and people in your environment. With the help of regular mindfulness practice, you can train yourself to respond more thoughtfully and purposefully to external triggers and stressors. This can bring about better outcomes for you while reducing your stress.

Identifying Your Values

Living intentionally is easier when your choices and actions line up with your values, but figuring out what your values are is easier said than done. Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Take note of the things that make you feel happy, calm, energized, or purposeful. What is it about those things that are important or valuable to you?
• Reflect on what an ideal day is like for you. What are the things you do? Who do you talk to? What do you experience?
• What activities bring you joy or make you feel fulfilled? Make a list and then try to figure out what these activities have in common.
• Think about moments that were particularly meaningful to you. What made these moments meaningful?
• Recall the worst experiences of your life, the ones that were the most upsetting, unsettling, or unsatisfying. This can be uncomfortable but can also be extremely valuable in identifying the things that are important to you.
• Review decisions you’ve made in the past and think about the values that influenced those decisions. Were there times when you felt conflicted about your decisions because they weren’t aligned with your values? What can those experiences teach you about what your values are?
• Complete a values survey such as the VIA Survey of Character Strengths or the Schwartz Value Survey. These are both scientifically supported ways of measuring values that you can use to explore your values.

Keep a list of your values handy so you can reflect on them and the role they play in your decisions. Leave space for your values to shift over time and for you to discover new values you didn’t know you had!

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How to Start Living Intentionally

Living with intention begins with three steps:

• First, recognize and acknowledge that life is largely made up of choices. You may have more constraints for some of your choices, but you can always choose your attitudes and reactions, especially with practice.
• Next, acknowledge the influences of the culture you live in. What is it telling you about the right way to be or the right way to live? Are those influences consistent with your values and the way you want to live?
• Finally, get to know yourself. What are the values you want to emulate? Are your choices lined up with those values? What keeps you focused on living intentionally, and what distracts you?

Keep in mind that learning to live intentionally is a process. You won’t be able to immerse yourself in it all at once. Being patient with yourself and accepting setbacks is part of your growth.

Ways to Be More Intentional

Living intentionally doesn’t happen all at once. Start with small changes and add on over time.

Learn About Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can set you on a path to intentional living by encouraging you to slow down and be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. There are many simple exercises that can show you what mindfulness feels like; once you understand how it works, you can incorporate it into your daily activities.

Eliminate Distractions

We live in a noisy world. Even when we’re in a quiet place, distractions are everywhere. Identify the things that draw your attention away from your tasks. Consider limiting or eliminating those distractions. For example, if you spend a lot of time on social media, think about deleting the apps from your phone or only accessing them occasionally.

Keep a Journal

Journaling is a great way to figure out what’s working in your life and where you could be more intentional. Use a few short prompts such as:

• What did I enjoy most about today?
• Did I have any experiences that were especially meaningful or fulfilling?
• What distractions did I encounter?

Keep the prompts simple so you can maintain the habit of writing in your journal every day.

Set a Morning Intention

Take a few minutes every morning to set an intention for the day. Decide on something you will do, how you will approach the day, or how you will interact with people in your life. At the end of the day, reflect on that intention and how well you did. If you didn’t meet your intention, reflect on why and try again the next day.

Create a Vision Board

A vision board helps you make your intentions and goals more tangible. Picture the life you want to have and assemble images, quotes, phrases, and symbols that are relevant to that ideal life. Putting a vision board together will help you clarify your goals and values while reflecting on it every day can help to align your thoughts, beliefs, and actions with your desired outcomes.

Conclusion

Once you start living with intention, you’ll find that your life naturally evolves to help you be increasingly intentional. You will still need to work at it, but it will start making more sense to you, and you will start meeting yourself where you are rather than pushing yourself towards someone else’s goals and standards.

If you’re having trouble bringing your life into alignment with your values and other things that are important to you, think about whether counselling might be helpful. Talking to a counsellor can give you an impartial sounding board where you can express whatever you want to.

If counselling is something you’d like to try, the team at Kari Walton Counselling is here for you. We offer a range of treatment options, including cognitive-behavioural therapy, dialectical behaviour therapy, hypnotherapy, group therapy, and family therapy, to help you sort out what’s getting in the way of you living with intention.

Contact us today to make an appointment. Let’s talk about getting you on a path to the life you want to start living today.

The post Transforming Stress Through Intentional Living appeared first on Kari Walton Counselling Services.

What is Digital Anxiety?

Digital anxiety is any form of anxiety or stress that is specifically related to the use of digital technologies or simply to their presence in our lives. Digital anxiety encompasses a wide range of concerns including, but not limited to:

• Information overload
  Our devices send us a constant stream of news, text messages, emails, and social media notifications. These nonstop updates can make us feel as though we have no control over the influx of information and that we are helpless to keep up with it.
• Social media stress
  We have all seen how social media stress can affect children and teenagers, but it affects adults as well. Concerns about body image, comparisons with other people’s lives and possessions, and the pressure to present a certain image on social media channels can significantly raise our anxiety levels.
• Privacy and security concerns
  Data breaches and issues such as identity theft and revenge porn have everyone on edge. When we are not on edge, we worry that we should be more concerned than we are. In effect, we worry about not being worried.
• Health concerns
  Anxiety about the potential health impacts of prolonged screen time, such as eye strain, sleep disturbances, and sedentary lifestyle issues, can be extremely stressful. With the introduction of new technologies such as virtual reality, these concerns have only increased.
• Economic and job security
  Many workers are justifiably concerned about having to keep up with changes in technology to keep their jobs or advance within their organizations. Fears of being replaced by technology have become even more prevalent with the emergence of artificial intelligence tools.
• Cyberbullying and harassment
  The ability to conceal your identity online has exponentially increased incidents of cyberbullying and harassment. The effects of these antisocial behaviours can be severe, especially for children and teens.
• Technophobia
  Some individuals, particularly older adults, are nervous about using modern technologies, which can make them feel left behind. They are also finding themselves left out of social interactions because these interactions are often technology-based.

There are numerous other concerns about digital devices, including dependency and addiction, impacts on relationships, misunderstandings due to miscommunication, distraction and productivity problems, and FOMO (fear of missing out).

Researchers are constantly discovering new ways in which technology interferes with our efforts to find peace in our hectic lives. For example, a 2014 study in Japan found that when students did not receive an immediate reply to their text messages, it raised their anxiety levels and caused them to fear that they were being ostracized1.

How is Digital Anxiety Affecting Us?

It is difficult to say with 100% certainty whether digital devices cause mental health issues or whether the recent increase in mental health issues is due to other factors. However, studies have shown links between technology use and such troubling conditions as negative rumination, negative social comparisons, insomnia, depression and anxiety2.

The effects of cyberbullying are particularly concerning. We have all heard about incidents of online harassment and bullying that have ended in tragedy. No doubt, many other people are dealing with the scars of bullying incidents on their own, silently suffering the ill effects of these extremely harmful actions.

How Can We Reduce Digital Anxiety?

Needless to say, limiting your screen time can be an effective approach, but that may not be practical or even possible since schools, businesses, and governments are increasingly dependent on digital technologies.

Here are some other ways to reduce the effects that digital technologies have on us:

• Keeping an anxiety journal
  Decades of research have shown that expressing your feelings helps you deal with them. Journaling is one very effective way to externalize your emotions. Paradoxically, there are numerous digital journaling apps and websites that can help you record your thoughts and feelings and analyze their connections to life events and other occurrences. Of course, you can also choose a notebook and pen for this purpose.

• Digital detoxes and digital-free zones
  Establishing some periods during the day when you can commit to not using digital devices and creating digital-free zones in your home where digital devices are not allowed can be good steps toward reducing digital anxiety. Asking family members or roommates to help with this is another excellent way to keep your digital behaviours under control.

• Limiting notifications
  Changing the settings on your digital devices so that you do not receive as many notifications can considerably lower your anxiety. Think about what you need to know immediately and what can wait until later. Make sure that your closest contacts understand that you are making these changes to protect your mental health and not to avoid them.

• Taking physical activity breaks
  Physical activity itself can help to reduce anxiety, as can exposure to fresh air and contact with nature. Commit to leaving your device at home or keeping it in a pocket or bag during these breaks.

• Getting enough good quality sleep
  Deep, restorative sleep of sufficient length is monumentally important to maintaining both your physical and mental health. Digital devices can interfere with getting to sleep and with getting enough sleep. Practice good sleep hygiene by avoiding digital devices for at least an hour before you plan to go to sleep. Consider keeping your devices out of your bedroom during the night.

How Counselling Can Help

If you are struggling with digital anxiety and your efforts to reduce it have failed, make an appointment to come and see us at Kari Walton Counselling. We will support you by helping you identify your sources of anxiety and your anxiety triggers. From there, we can work with you on strategies for reducing your screen time, your social media usage, or your dependence on digital devices, depending on your goals for treatment.

Everyone on our skilled, caring team is in your corner: we all want you to live a life free of unproductive anxiety and depression. We offer a range of treatment options, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, hypnotherapy, group therapy, and family therapy.
Contact us today to make an appointment. Let’s talk about how we can help you conquer your digital anxiety.
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¹. Psychiatry Research: Text messaging: are dependency and excessive use discretely different for Japanese university students? https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24560613/
². Main Line Today: How to reduce digital anxiety https://mainlinetoday.com/life-style/health/reduce-digital-anxiety/

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What is Burnout?

Burnout is a state of exhaustion brought about by prolonged exposure to chronic workplace stressors. Originally seen in human services occupations such as nursing and social work, it is now found in a wide range of jobs. There has been more interest in this condition since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, when staff shortages, layoffs, and the transition to remote work led to burnout at previously unseen levels.

What Are the Symptoms of Burnout?

Burnout has three sets of symptoms:
1. Overwhelming physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion.
2. A feeling of detachment or disengagement from work. This can include negative attitudes toward patients or clients and a sense that the job has lost its meaning. It can result in irritability and anger toward work, the workplace, work colleagues, and even life outside work.
3. Reduced productivity and a feeling that one is ineffective at one’s work.

What Causes Burnout?

These six aspects of work are often found to lead to burnout:

• Heavy workload with insufficient opportunities to refresh, reset, or work on professional development.
• Lack of community or collegiality at work.
• Inadequate control over the job and how it is done. People with burnout may feel that they don’t have the resources or the autonomy to make decisions and that they are not able to predict their upcoming workload or what they will be working on.
• A mismatch between the rewards of the job and the amount of time and effort put into it.
• Lots of fairness and respectful treatment in the workplace
• Incongruence between the individual’s values and the organization’s values

What Are the Effects of Burnout?

Burnout can lead to a wide range of negative outcomes, including sleep disturbances, headaches, anxiety, gastrointestinal issues, and relationship problems. These outcomes can affect the person who has burnout, their organization, their clients or patients, and their family and friends.

What is Depression?

Depression is a psychological condition characterized by feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness, lack of motivation, and inability to enjoy oneself. Depression can range in severity from mild to severe.

What Are the Symptoms of Depression?

The most common symptoms of depression are:

• Persistent feelings of sadness or despair.
• Loss of interest in things that the person previously enjoyed.
• Hopelessness and the feeling that one is unable to bring about change in one’s own life.
• Increase or decrease in appetite.
• Changes in sleep patterns such as insomnia or sleeping too much.
• Fatigue or persistent lack of energy.
• Perception of personal worthlessness.
• Feelings of guilt that are out of proportion with the situation.
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions.
• Agitation or irritability, sometimes rising to the level of anger.
• Recurring thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Is Burnout a Type of Depression?

Burnout has many of the same characteristics as depression: hopelessness, fatigue, and negative emotions are common in both depression and burnout. Burnout and depression often co-occur, and research indicates that having burnout increases the risk of developing depression, and having depression increases the chances that someone will get burnout.
At the same time, not everyone who has burnout meets the criteria for depression, and not everyone with depression develops all the symptoms of burnout. For example, someone who has been diagnosed with depression may still feel highly engaged with and motivated by their work. In contrast, someone with burnout may not experience the level of despair that is common in some types of depression.

How Do Depression and Burnout Differ?

As discussed above, there is an overlap between depression and burnout, as well as between anxiety and burnout. However, there are important distinctions between them:

• Burnout is specifically related to workplace stressors, whereas depression is a broader condition that can be related to a variety of stressors, genetic influences, biochemical factors, and more.
• The symptoms of burnout are primarily work-related and center on the person’s thoughts and feelings about their work, whereas the symptoms of depression affect many areas of the person’s functioning, including work, hobbies, relationships, and daily activities.
• Burnout primarily concerns the person’s relationship with their work, while depression concerns the individual, their relationship with the world, and their relationship with the self.
• Treatment for burnout focuses on reducing the sources of stress that led to the burnout. Interventions such as adjusting the person’s workload, improving work-life balance, finding sources of support in the workplace, and taking real breaks from work. Depression, on the other hand, is commonly treated by counselling, medication, and lifestyle changes such as adopting a healthier diet and an exercise routine.

Note that these distinctions can be more theoretical than practical. Both burnout and depression interfere with your ability to live your life to the fullest. Recognizing this and taking steps to improve your mental health is more important than determining whether you have burnout, depression, or both burnout and depression.

Final Thoughts
Burnout and depression are related but distinct. They have different causes, symptoms, outcomes, and treatments. At the same time, people experiencing these conditions often lack the energy or emotional resources to figure out which one they have and how to move forward.

Feelings of hopelessness are common in both these conditions, but there are resources available to you, and you can make progress even in a fragile or depleted mental state. Consulting with your family doctor is a good first step as they can administer diagnostic tests to home in on your main mental health challenges and recommend treatment.

For additional support, working with a mental health counsellor can be invaluable. In counselling, you can explore the sources of your burnout or depression, work through any issues that may be exacerbating them, and collaborate with your counsellor on strategies to improve your mental health.

If you are struggling with burnout or depression, the skilled, caring team at Kari Walton Counselling can help. We are here to help you sort through your feelings, identify the things that are having the greatest impact on your mental health, and figure out a way through the storm. We offer a range of treatment options, including cognitive-behavioural therapy, hypnotherapy, and group therapy.

Contact us today to make an appointment. Let’s talk.

References:
Harvard Business Review; 6 Causes of Burnout, and How to Avoid Them: https://hbr.org/2019/07/6-causes-of-burnout-and-how-to-avoid-them
MDPI Behavioral Sciences: Should Burnout Be Conceptualized as a Mental Disorder? https://www.mdpi.com/2076-328X/12/3/82

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What Causes Post-Secondary Stress?

When you’ve been looking forward to starting college or university, the reality of being there can be overwhelming. Let’s look at the challenges new post-secondary students face:

• Being away from home
  Students living in residence or off-campus housing may be living away from home for the first time. They no longer have their family to confide in or to lean on for support. Living away from home also means doing your own laundry, preparing food, grocery shopping, and cleaning your living space. Even if you were doing those chores at home, they’ll now be added to the other stressors you encounter.
• Less structure
  This may sound like a positive, as you’ll have more flexibility with your time and with how you approach your studies. However, many people find that the lack of a strict schedule leaves them feeling lost, which can easily lead to depression, anxiety, and procrastination.
• Heavier workloads
  The volume and intensity of the work are much greater in higher education, and self-discipline is required to stay on track. The extra work can be disabling, especially for students who tend to procrastinate.
• Friends are no longer nearby
  Childhood and high school friends won’t be as close at hand as they once were. Dealing with all the changes of the post-secondary experience can be very difficult when you can’t talk to the people you’ve travelled through life with up to this point.
• Everyone is talented
  High performers in secondary school are accustomed to getting the best grades and winning awards for their academic achievements. Once you get to college or university, everyone you meet will be a top performer. This can be disorienting for first-year students still settling on a personal identity.

How to Cope with Stress and Anxiety in Post-Secondary Education

Fortunately, new post-secondary students walk a path that many others have walked before them. While it remains challenging, there are a few well-known ways to overcome the initial challenges of starting college or university, and plenty of resources at hand.

• Build your network
  Most of us make friends as children and teenagers with people we see all the time: classmates, neighbours, or people we see at the playground or park. In college and university, you are less likely to run into the same people over and over, and you have to be more deliberate about making friends. Some things to try are:
  o Attending orientation activities. These events are intended to help new students find places where they fit in and assist them in making friends. Go to as many of them as you can, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
  o Join clubs and campus organizations that are focused on things you are interested in. These groups are always looking for new people because they have a big turnover every year.
  o Participate in events. Campuses are hives of activity, with cultural, social, and sporting events happening all the time. Keep an eye on what’s going on and try out a few new things.
  o Stay in touch with your network at home. Although you should try to make new connections, it’s okay to continue to depend on your friends and family at home, especially at first.

• Manage your time

  Making schedules and establishing routines go a long way toward mitigating stress. Not only will you stay up to date with your work, but you’ll get the benefits of structure. It can be difficult to do this on your own, so check your campus Academic Success Center for workshops and other types of guidance. You can also learn study skills there and get some coaching on how to deal with academic challenges.

• Find out what resources your school has
  Many students get all the way through their post-secondary education without ever knowing that there are librarians whose job is to help students with library research, writing tutors who will work with you one-on-one, and nutritional counsellors you can access through the campus health center. Take note of all the resources available at your school when you get to campus. (Hint: they often have this information at orientation). Use these resources liberally.
• Prioritize your health
  Campuses are busy places, with lots of new things to do on top of your coursework. It can be easy to neglect sleep, exercise, and healthy eating. Your physical health can start to suffer before you even know it, and mental health is a common struggle for new college and university students. You will need to be deliberate and planful about getting enough sleep, eating the right foods, and acknowledging when you are struggling emotionally.
  When you find that your stress and anxiety are becoming overwhelming, visit your campus wellness center or health centre. They are very adept at helping students with their mental health challenges, and they can also help you with other aspects of your well-being.

A Note for Parents and Guardians

Having a child start college or university is challenging for parents as well as students, even if the students continue to live at home. Do not overlook yourself in this process. Seek advice from friends who have been through the same thing, check in with your child, and talk to a counsellor if you’re struggling. Be sure to look after the other aspects of your health as well: continue to exercise, eat a healthy diet, and get plenty of rest!

Final Thoughts

The beginning of post-secondary study is as challenging as it is exciting. Students, parents, and other members of the family must adjust to a variety of changes, and it is not unusual to experience mental health issues. Mitigating the effects of these challenges can be difficult, but it is not impossible.

At Kari Walton Counselling, we understand what this transition is like. Every member of our excellent team has been there, and we are ready to see you through it, too. Whether you are a student experiencing anxiety, depression, loneliness, homesickness, or fears about fitting in, or you are a parent struggling with your own emotions or those of your child, we can help. Contact us today for an appointment. Let’s talk.

The post Starting College or University: How to Cope with Stress and Anxiety appeared first on Kari Walton Counselling Services.

Quiet quitting is one of the workplace trends that has emerged from the pandemic, but its causes are not well understood. Do people quiet quit due to burnout or stress, because they want a better work-life balance, or in response to management that is not responsive to their needs? We explore these questions below and discuss how individuals can address their desire to quiet quit.

What is Quiet Quitting?

In most workplaces, employees are encouraged to go above and beyond, especially if they hope to advance in the organization. Working late, taking on extra tasks, and participating in after-work team-building activities are some examples of unpaid contributions that employers count on from employees.

Quiet quitting means doing only what you are contractually obligated to do and refusing this extra work. Employees who quiet quit often feel disengaged and are no longer committed to the success of the company. Quiet quitting has become increasingly prevalent in recent years as people reevaluate their work-life balance and think about the meaning of work in the overall context of their lives.

Why Does Quiet Quitting Happen?

Many factors could bring about quiet quitting, but the most common causes are burnout, stress, or ineffective management.

Burnout refers to the emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. People experiencing burnout may feel like they can’t continue in their current job, but they don’t have the energy or motivation to fight for change. Instead, they may quiet quit as a way of disconnecting from the work without looking for a different job.

Stress can come from many sources: heavy workloads, tight deadlines, difficult coworkers, or a toxic work culture. When people feel overwhelmed by stress, they may feel that the only way to cope is to disengage from their work and just do the minimum that the job requires.

Ineffective management can also contribute to quiet quitting. A bad manager can make an employee’s life difficult by micromanaging, criticizing, or not allowing the employee opportunities to learn and grow. Bad management can also make negotiating for different work conditions or speaking out against them impossible. Quiet quitting is a way of opting out of full engagement.

What to Do if You Feel Like Quiet Quitting

Every day can seem never-ending if you’re having trouble feeling engaged and committed at work. It becomes more and more difficult to motivate yourself. Eventually, it may feel as though quitting is your only option.

In the meantime, you still need to deal with your feelings about your work. The first step is to identify the root of the problem: without this, you won’t be able to address it effectively, and you may end up spending time and energy on efforts that lead nowhere. Here are some concrete steps you can take to move forward:

• Talk about your thoughts and feelings: Expressing what is bothering you is helpful in and of itself, but confiding in someone you trust can also help clarify the situation and point out paths to solutions. Talking to someone who will empathize will also help you feel less isolated and alone.
• Practice self-care: Take time to refocus on yourself and your well-being. This doesn’t have to involve anything time-consuming or costly: it can be as simple as eating something healthy and refreshing or practicing mindfulness in your daily activities. The important thing is to prioritize your wellness.
• Set boundaries: Make decisions about where your work begins and ends, avoid checking your email after hours, maintain a “no work talk” rule at home, or say no to additional responsibilities. These actions can help you maintain a healthy work-life balance.
• Reconnect with your values: Burnout sometimes happens when your work doesn’t align with your values or offer a sense of purpose. Getting back in touch with your values and finding ways to bring them into your work can help you feel more motivated and engaged.
• Explore new opportunities: This could mean changing jobs, seeking out new projects, pursuing additional training or education, or even changing careers entirely.

Can Therapy Help?

Professional counselling is one way you can address the issues that lead to the point of quiet quitting. Working with a therapist provides you with a non-judgmental sounding board and can help in the following ways:

• Exploring your feelings about your work and identifying the root causes and any underlying factors that may exist.
• Developing coping strategies: By developing effective coping strategies such as mindfulness meditation, relaxation exercises, and boundary-setting, you can improve your resilience and prevent future burnout.
• Addressing negative thought patterns: Therapy can help you identify and challenge negative thought patterns contributing to burnout. This may involve examining beliefs such as “I have to work 24/7 to be successful” or “I’m not good enough at my job.” By challenging these beliefs, you can develop a more realistic and positive outlook on your work.
• Exploring career goals and values: By gaining clarity on what you want from your career and what is important to you, you can make more informed decisions about your job to bring it into alignment with your values.

Final Thoughts

Whether caused by burnout, stress, or bad management, the desire to quiet quit is a sign that something needs to change. At KW Counseling, we understand that workplace issues can overpower your best attempts to find balance in your life. We are here to help you restore a sense of satisfaction with your life.

Our experienced and dedicated counsellors are trained in a range of approaches. We can help you explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and craft a plan of action, depending on your goals and treatment needs. Our purpose is to assist you in seeing through the haze of frustration, dissatisfaction, and disengagement and empower you to take control of the aspects of your work life you can control. Contact us today to set up an initial appointment. Working together with you, we will help you feel more engaged, motivated, and productive in your work.

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What are burnout and compassion fatigue? How do you know if you have one or both of them? Can self-care help mitigate the effects of burnout and compassion fatigue? If so, what are the most effective types of self-care? We address these questions below.

What is Compassion Fatigue?

Although it sounds like a new term, versions of compassion fatigue have been documented and researched for many years, often under other names such as secondary traumatic stress (STS), vicarious victimization, and empathy strain¹. While these terms are not always interchangeable, they share some common features and may refer to similar symptoms or experiences².
Compassion fatigue results from exposure to trauma, disasters, and serious illness in others, as well as from working closely with victims of these events. Compassion fatigue and its related concepts are characterized by a gradual decline in an individual’s ability to experience empathy and compassion towards others, particularly those who are suffering or in distress.

Symptoms of compassion fatigue can include³:

• Emotional symptoms
  o emotional exhaustion
  o detachment from your surroundings and experiences
  o reduced empathy
  o anger, irritability, sadness, and anxiety
  o emotional numbing
  o feeling overwhelmed and powerless in the face of suffering
  o hypersensitivity to upsetting stimuli and trauma stories
• Physical symptoms
  o physical exhaustion
  o nausea, dizziness, headache, and other signs of chronic stress
  o difficulty sleeping, restlessness, and nightmares
  o increased substance use
• Cognitive and social symptoms
  o problems concentrating, focusing, and making decisions
  o heightened cynicism
  o limited tolerance for stress
  o social withdrawal
  o increased interpersonal conflict

What is Burnout?

Burnout, often referred to as job burnout, is a more general state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that results from prolonged exposure to work-related stress⁴. It can occur in any profession and is not limited to caregiving and helping roles. Burnout is linked to factors such as excessive workload, lack of control over work, insufficient rewards or recognition, and an unsupportive work environment, whereas compassion fatigue is primarily caused by the emotional toll of caring for others in distress.
The symptoms of burnout are similar to the symptoms of compassion fatigue, but some are more specific to workplace and career issues, such as disillusionment about a job, lowered productivity, and a lack of fulfillment derived from work.

Self-Care to Mitigate Compassion Fatigue and Burnout

Self-care involves taking deliberate action to maintain or improve your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. It entails acknowledging your personal needs and engaging in activities that promote self-nurturance, restoration, and resilience.
There are several types of self-care, but the practice itself should be holistic, addressing all of the areas of the self that are injured, including:

• The Physical Self: Focusing on the body’s needs through regular exercise, a balanced diet, proper sleep, and hygiene.
• The Emotional Self: Identifying, acknowledging, and expressing emotions in a healthy way, including journaling, getting therapy, or confiding in a close friend.
• The Thinking Self: Nurturing the mind through intellectual stimulation and mindfulness. This could involve activities such as reading, problem-solving, meditation, or taking courses.
• The Social Self: Building and maintaining strong, supportive relationships with friends, family, and community.
• The Spiritual Self: Cultivating a sense of connection to a higher power, purpose, or personal values through meditation, spending time in nature, or engaging in practices or rituals that are meaningful to you.
• Professional self-care: Setting boundaries in your work life and establishing a better work-life balance. This can include taking breaks from work, reconnecting with people outside your profession, or getting support from professional peer groups.

Therapy as Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t mean going it alone: many of the suggestions above require the presence or involvement of other people. When we need help, it can be difficult to be around others and even more difficult to reach out to them.

If you’re struggling with burnout or compassion fatigue, talking to someone who can help guide your recovery might be a good option. If you’ve never had therapy before, you don’t have to commit to a long course of treatment: in fact, some types of therapy are deliberately limited in terms of the optimal number of sessions. Most therapists will also consult with you about your goals and preferences before the therapeutic work actually starts.

At KW Counselling, we are committed to travelling with you on your self-care journey and making it as comfortable and beneficial for you as possible. Our team of skilled, experienced counsellors understands how exhausting burnout and compassion fatigue can be: we’re here to help you get back on your feet so you can approach your life and work with the joy you once found there. Contact us today to talk about how we can help.
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Notes and References
¹ These terms refer to related sets of symptoms, causal factors, and treatment recommendations, but one may be preferred over the others depending on the context. If you are searching for information, do not restrict yourself to one of these terms or any others you may come across.
² It is important to note that compassion fatigue is not a clinical diagnosis but rather a term used to describe a common experience among individuals in certain professions.
³ https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-news-and-stories/is-there-a-cost-to-protecting-caring-for-and-saving-others-beware-of-compassion-fatigue
⁴ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642

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Often, we feel overwhelmed due to the responsibilities and expectations at home, work, or school. Each task comes with a certain amount of strain and stress, which can accumulate over time. Unknowingly, we may take on too many obligations, exceeding our capabilities. When that happens, we will experience increased stress and anxiety.

If you are feeling overwhelmed all the time, this emotional response signifies there might be imbalances in your daily routine. Start by taking a step back and reassessing your priorities. What causes you the most stress? Is there a way to alleviate the burden? You may also want to consult a counselling service for additional guidance. The counsellor can analyze your situation and offer coping strategies to lower stress levels.

The key is to find an optimal balance between your self-care and responsibilities. Let’s learn more about how to stop feeling overwhelmed with life, school and work.

1. Show yourself kindness and forgiveness.

When you struggle with your responsibilities, it’s easy to experience negative emotions like disappointment or frustration. However, you don’t have to be so harsh on yourself. Remember that life can be challenging, and everyone has a breaking point. It’s understandable to feel mentally or emotionally exhausted over your workload.

If you feel overwhelmed, be kind and forgiving towards yourself. Shift away from the criticisms, regrets, or negative thoughts. Instead, focus on tolerance and positivity. Recognize that you are only one person, you can only do so much, and that’s perfectly alright.

2. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed.

We all need a little help from time to time. When your schedule is overloaded, know that it’s okay to ask for assistance. Leaning on family, friends, or coworkers can ease the stress of a situation. They may provide advice, support, or take on the delegated work. You may be pleasantly surprised by their eagerness and generosity. Afterwards, you can return the favour by helping them whenever they feel overwhelmed.

3. Learn to say no to some requests.

Know that it’s okay to say no. Many people are uncomfortable with turning down requests, even if it causes significant inconvenience. However, you don’t have to take on additional tasks when your capacity is already at its limit. After all, you have to protect your time and mental health.

A part of saying no means creating boundaries between your professional life and personal space. Sometimes, there might be issues at work that require calling you during off-hours. These unexpected calls can be stressful, causing you to feel overwhelmed. Instead, set clear boundaries on your availability. Although establishing these separations may not be easy, doing so can help your mental health.

4. Create an orderly routine.

In life, your tasks can quickly blur and jumble together. An unorganized routine can be chaotic, increasing the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed. Instead, create a quick calendar that summarizes your schedule for the day. This itinerary will help you manage deadlines, identify priorities, and set aside the appropriate time to complete tasks.

When developing a schedule, focus on a single activity at a time. For example, your work hours should not overlap with personal activities. When you aren’t supposed to be working, close your mind to anything job-related. You shouldn’t check your emails or communicate with coworkers outside of your scheduled hours. This routine ties into the previous point of establishing clear and comfortable boundaries.

5. Rest and relax when you feel overwhelmed.

When you are too busy, it may feel like there is no time to rest. However, you should not reduce your sleeping hours to accommodate urgent deadlines. Sleep is essential for replenishing your body and mind after a hard day’s work. You will have an easier time thinking clearly with enough rest every night.

In addition, you may want to include various relaxation activities throughout the day. Breathing exercises can be tremendously helpful whenever you are feeling overwhelmed. Other ideas include yoga, tai chi, or taking a quick walk outdoors. These mindfulness activities can relieve stress and anxiety without overburdening the body.

6. Take a break and enjoy your favourite activities.

For many people, it’s not like we can walk away from our obligations at school or work. Those are ongoing commitments with importance attached. However, it’s okay to take a temporary break to recharge and rejuvenate mentally. A self-care plan is about replenishing your morale, which will help you feel motivated for future tasks.

You can achieve self-care through various means. For example, set aside time during your day where you can enjoy your favourite interests. Take an hour to do something you like, whether that’s a hobby or a television show. During this personal time, don’t worry about any interruptions or responsibilities. Just focus on cherishing the present moment.

The post How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed with Life, School & Work appeared first on Kari Walton Counselling Services.

Stress comes from various sources, including workplaces, families, finances, or factors out of our control. The negative emotion may be short-lived, fading away as you adjust to the circumstances better. However, stress can also feel persistent, turning into a long-term psychological burden. Over time, the stressfulness leaves consequences on your mental health.

Fortunately, there are proven methods to reduce stress and get your zen life back. For starters, a counselling service can offer effective coping strategies for stress management. In addition, there are easy, everyday activities that help lower your tension by a notch. Here are seven different ways to calm down when stressed:

1. Breathing exercises for stress

Breathing takes air into our lungs, providing us with essential oxygen to help us think and function normally. However, stress causes our breathing to become shallow and rapid, making it trickier to calm down. When this happens, focus on deep breathing from your diaphragm. Inhale through your nose and then exhale out your mouth. As your heart rate decreases, the extra oxygen in your body will release physical tension.

Once you have your breathing under control, it is a great time to practice visualizing a calm, soothing mental picture. Stress can come from memories of the past or fear of the future. However, you can block those intrusive thoughts by envisioning a peaceful scene in your head. Imagine yourself becoming calmer and more at ease, which will manifest positively in your emotions.

2. Walking for stress relief

All forms of exercise are ideal for your physical and mental health. However, walking is especially good for reducing stress. This activity takes you out of the house, allowing you to blow off some steam. As you walk, you take deeper breaths because your body needs more oxygen. You will release endorphins, which are natural chemicals associated with positive emotions.

A short walk can make all the difference during a stressful day. Walking can be a private experience where you stroll along the park or neighbourhood, listening to your favourite music. Walking is also a social activity shared with a friend, who can be a supportive listener to your problems.

3. Exercise for stress relief

Meditation transforms the mind to develop concentration and awareness in the present moment. This gentle exercise relaxes your mind, directing it along a calm and tranquil path. As you meditate in a quiet space, your worries will ease away with time. Some beginners find it tough to stop their intrusive thoughts initially, but the art of meditation gets easier with practice.

Besides meditation, yoga and tai chi can also ease your stress. Both techniques practice gentle movements and focus on your breathing. These exercises are ideal for relieving tension all over the body.

4. Aromatherapy for stress

Some scents produce a calming effect on our senses, also known as aromatherapy. For instance, smelling flowers or freshly baked pastries can change your mood for the better. For more long-lasting effects, try using essential oils for stress relief. Simply open a bottle and take in the pleasant aroma when you feel stressed.

Lavender is a well-known scent for reducing anxiety. You can use it as an essential oil, burn it in a candle, or grow lavender yourself. Other popular options include chamomile, bergamot, rose, sandalwood and lemon.

5. Relaxing music for stress relief 

Listening to your favourite songs is an excellent way to reduce a stressful situation. Music takes you on a positive, emotional journey. A soft, relaxing track can soothe you, bringing a wave of tranquillity to your senses. Similarly, upbeat music can be motivating, inspiring you to be happier and more optimistic. Music is an influential tool for stress relief, so put together several playlists that you can play on a loop.

6. Chewing gum for stress relief

If you want a quick way to relieve stress, why not pop in a stick of gum? Gum can bring down stress levels because you concentrate on chewing it, keeping your mind occupied. Some studies show that chewing gum reduces salivary cortisol, a hormone associated with stress. Keep a pack in the car and around the house for when you need to calm down from stress.

7. Stress management journal

When you feel stressed, it’s good to get out the negative energy. Putting your thoughts to paper is an effective way of self-expression, allowing you to conceptualize the issue. Afterwards, you can read over the passages, analyze your emotions, and understand the situation better.

Start a stress management journal. Use it to write about what you are feeling and experiencing. Don’t worry about crafting perfect sentences. Just jot down what you are thinking at a given moment. The stress management journal gets the negative thoughts out of your head, helping to release the pent-up tension.

The post 7 Best Ways to Calm Down When Stressed appeared first on Kari Walton Counselling Services.

Even with the welcome change, we must cope with uncertainty and a loss of control. Typically, our brains like being able to predict what happens next. It’s reassuring when we can follow routines or have regular habits. Suddenly, a major life change shatters our comfort zone. The unpredictability increases anxiety and worry, a natural response from the brain.

It’s normal to struggle with unprecedented change and stumble with our emotions. Fortunately, we can feel more reassured with the help of friends, family, and support groups. In addition, there are professional counselling services that offer expert guidance. We can also adopt coping strategies to manage our expectations before a life transition.

Let’s learn how to cope with major life changes that cause stress:

Preparing for major life changes

When possible, prepare for the major life changes in advance. If you are starting a new job or relocating to another city, making plans can help put your anxieties at ease. For example, you may want to start packing your belongings weeks before moving to a new home. Or you may research your new job position, organizing the necessary documents and supplies for the first day of work.

The objective is to direct your energy into doing something constructive. These preparations give you ample time to adjust to the life transition at a comfortable pace. If your change is unexpected, try to find similar ways to utilize your energy productively. Take the initiative rather than staying idle and letting your emotions fester.

Coping with difficult emotions

Some major life changes bring a conflicted mix of emotions. On the one hand, we are happy about starting a new adventure. On the other hand, we might feel upset about closing a former chapter in our lives. Acknowledge and accept these difficult emotions, as uncomfortable as they might be.

A large part of moving forward involves acknowledging the past. If you are sad or remorseful, don’t repress these feelings. Instead, explore your emotions intimately. Allow yourself the chance to grieve, process, and pay tribute to the person you were before. Do not judge, and do not be too harsh on yourself. Reflect on what you learned, celebrate the positive memories, and carry the valuable experiences to your next journey.

Stop worrying about the future

Major life changes are unpredictable. Understandably, you might have concerns about what the future holds. However, try your best to stop overthinking and worrying too much. Instead of only focusing on the negatives, shift your perspective and look at the situation more optimistically. Some coping strategies include:

• Remind yourself why this change is happening.
• Focus on opportunities that the change will bring.
• Balance your worries with positive aspects that make you excited about the change.

In addition, it’s crucial to work through your worries. Entertain the worst-case scenario, play it out in your head, and consider how likely this might happen. After the self-reflection, you may realize your worries are overstated or the consequences don’t seem as severe as you imagined. Try thinking about other scenarios and judge them by the same rule. After contemplating these emotions, let them fade away.

Starting a new routine

Creating routines is an excellent way to cope with major life changes. A pre-set schedule can reduce anxiety, minimize stress, and eliminate uncertainty. You can also rely on these habits to provide direction and stability in your life. Some possible ideas include a morning exercise routine or a regular meet-up with friends each week. You may also consider joining a gym, starting a hobby, or enjoying a Friday night movie.

As part of your routine, try to include activities that promote self-care and wellness. Self-care may consist of eating well, getting enough sleep, and pampering yourself with beauty treatments. It can also mean counselling, isolating from stress, and reflecting on your emotions. You are more likely to follow your new routine if it includes enjoyable or meaningful experiences.

Lowering stress levels

We all need time to adjust to major life changes and transitions. Avoid burdening yourself with too many expectations, which can feel stressful and frustrating. If you are struggling emotionally, slow things down. You don’t need to make all the preparations in a single day. Instead, prioritize your mental health and find ways to decompress.

A fantastic way of lowering stress levels is through your family and friends. They provide a built-in support system that offers advice, reduces isolation, and empathizes with your situation. You can have intimate discussions about your worries and insecurities over the upcoming life changes. Or you can talk about something else to steer your mind toward lighthearted topics. Socialization will make dealing with major life changes seem far less lonely.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to navigate significant life changes and transitions alone. A counselling service provides professional guidance, accompanying you on your mental health journey. Contact Kari Walton Counselling Services for more information as you prepare for the new chapter in your life.

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